Ears To Hear # 31

AM I A SLOB, LORD?
HAS IT COME TO THIS?

         I’ll warn you right now…this is a very long loaf of bread. Just pinch off what you think you can use and leave the rest for anyone who needs it. Lord, Have Mercy. I kept telling the Holy Spirit that it really seemed too long. But, I heard Him in my spirit say…”Just keep on writing.”
         Oh well, His Choice always. There must be someone who needs to hear this. 

THINGS THAT SEEM SMALL
MAY
TURN OUT TO BE LARGER
THAN WE REALIZE.

         As Shirley Carvell Green said in the “Ears to Hear” Message number 27, God is interested in the little things in our life as well as the big. Wanda Wilson Ryals used a word “Pretty”, that triggered a reminder in me that there was a “little” something going on in my life that hadn’t been ironed out yet. 
         At this point in my healing and restoration, I no longer desire to dig up dirty clothes from the hamper and examine them. I’ve already done that, and they stink.
         So, today when the Lord started talking to me about the word “Pretty”, I realized that it was “examination time” again. If you have no problem with being a “slob” or if you are very happy about getting all dressed up…then I doubt seriously if you need this.
         But, I had reached a point that I was becoming concerned about my condition. I had pushed the idea aside because I thought I knew the answer to it. “Hey, if people don’t like the way I look, they don’t have to hang around.” And some didn’t. Ha. This is where you can STOP or go on with me. There may be something in here that will trigger memories and answers for you too.

“BEAUTY” IS IN THE EYE
OF
THE BEHOLDER

♫God Makes All Things Beautiful In His Time.♫

         We can’t deny that we all appreciate beauty. “Pretty” is a temporary, unofficial word. It’s sweet, but rather casual and fleeting….
         “But the path of the just (those justified by Christ’s Sacrifice on the Cross) is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.” (Proverbs 4:18).

DIFFERENT KINDS OF BEAUTY

         As there are different kinds of glory, there are different kinds of beauty. Who can deny the beauty of nature? And who can deny the outward beauty we enjoy when we see a well dressed man or woman of God? 
         There’s something neat, and fresh, and clean about their outer appearance that adds to their poise and allows God’s Glory to shine through even brighter. It attracts the world to the brighter light of God.

WE’VE SEARCHED OUR SOULS

         Yes, we’ve searched our souls, and we understand that inner beauty is the solid essence our Lord desires. But when the inner beauty has a release through our natural bodies, there is a platform to show forth His Glory in a more abundant way. It’s like the path of a shining light that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.
         It’s the sunlight of our inner beauty; a way to set the Lord’s table with elegance, rather than hastily setting His Table with whatever we can find in our cupboards or refrigerator. It requires planning. It’s in planning with a purpose that we enjoy the journey.

LESSONS FOR ME

         Of course, you realize that God is teaching me as He gives me these messages. A writer must not hold back their lives, but allow themselves to be vulnerable if it will help someone else. I like to think that this is one way of dying to self. 

HOW DO WE GET SO SLOPPPY
IN THE NATURAL?

         Besides being a major sign of depression, how do we get so sloppy in the natural? There are many reasons. The first, for me, I think, has been:

REBELLION AND RESENTMENT

 

         Trained without a touch of Love, I picture today how my mother roughly and impatiently jerked me around when having me try on a dress she was making for me. I still see her with straight pins held firmly with her tight lips, as she made a tuck here and there or pinned the hem.
         She was a great seamstress and my home-made clothes were much nicer than anything we could afford to buy at the store. At college once, my friend June said she hesitated to approach me because when she looked at my pretty dress she decided I was some rich girl who wouldn’t be interested in her. Little did she know that her family had more money than mine. Mother even made my formals that I wore to the prom and in pageants, later. They were truly beautiful and not one bit behind what the rich girls at college wore.
         How did I get so resentful of her? Like most mothers, she wanted better for her daughter than she had. She was willing to work hard and spend hours cutting patterns (leaving strings all over the bedspread) and sewing on her mother’s old pedal sewing machine. Much work went into making her daughter presentable.
         What thoughts became implanted in me as a child, teenager, and adult about these pretty clothes Mother made for me?
         These are the thoughts I had: She jerks me around and is so rough with me. Why? She’s so critical when I say I want the waist a little tighter. She wants ruffles; I want straight lines. She doesn’t value my opinion; she treats me like a doll to show off herself and her handiwork. She doesn’t care about me.  I’m no more than Maggie’s doll.

 

           Mother, like many mothers of her day, had a hard time while she was growing up, but she never felt free to share much of this with me. She was always trying to support our family financially and keep natural food on the table. I resented her not being at home. I wanted to know her and wanted her to know me.
         Because of things that happened to Mother in her life, roots of bitterness and unforgiveness found fertile soil. Although they were hid from the world, they exposed themselves at home. As a tender hearted child, when she jerked me around and dressed me up, I think those seeds were passed on to me.
         All her hard work, and the pretty clothes meant nothing to me…without love. For years my heart cried out to Mother, “Can’t you see me in here? I’m a real person. I’m not just a doll without feelings or purpose. Please see me and not the clothes.”

REBELLION

         So, dress me with Love, Lord. If Mother had been able to dress me with love that I could see, feel, and touch…I think our relationship would have been so different. I do not take the blame for what happened at that point because I was the child; she was the parent. But, neither do I blame her: she did the best she knew how to do. She didn’t know about generational curses and things our dear Holy Spirit has taught us to stand against, such as pride, rebellion, bitterness, and unforgiveness. She did the best she knew how to do at that time in her life.

DRESSED ON THE OUTSIDE

         Although Mother dressed me well on the outside…she seemed to go overboard to protect me from pride. “Pretty is as Pretty does,” she would say. But there was no love in her face. It was more like, “You’re not pretty and don’t ever think you are.”
         When she religiously said, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”, what I heard her saying was: “I’m clean but you aren’t.”
         It was important to me for Mother to think I was “pretty”. In fact, I just now remembered that “pretty” was the first word they say I spoke. But I don’t think I was talking about myself. I just liked pretty things.
         Yes, it was important to me for Mother to think I was pretty. She was the most important person in my life. I wanted her acceptance. If she thought “pretty” was important, then I wanted to be “pretty”.
         Other days when I would come close to enjoying the way I looked, yet a little concerned if my appearance was yet “good enough” to go out in public, she would say curtly, “What are you worried about? Who do you think is looking at you anyway?” I guess she was trying to help, but it didn’t feel like it.
         This confused me! When I was looking for affirmation, I received condemnation. My spirit knew this wasn’t right, but I was too young to know “why”.
         The day came when I finally shut her out. Her words were too painful. I couldn’t make her see the real person of value captured inside of me.
         Near the time of her death, she was lying in a bed in the hospital.  I was brushing her hair. Her eyes were closed and I thought maybe she was gone. From her state of semi-consciousness, she suddenly opened her eyes and glared at me. With much bitterness, the words came from her lips, “Why are you so ugly?” It was the same bitter resentment I felt when she tried to comb the tangles from my curly hair. She would yank and pull in frustration…and it hurt.
         I knew as she spoke this time, that she didn’t mean ugly in appearance, but in my actions. I was surprised. I honestly didn’t know how I had “acted ugly” around her. I was too afraid of her to ever talk back, show disrespect, or refuse to obey her.
         Could she have seen herself in me? Could she have been talking to herself? Did she hate herself so much that she transferred it to me? God only knows. And Mother knows now, because all that bitterness and pain are gone from her. She is in Heaven with Jesus. She did the best she knew to do.

I GAVE UP TRYING

         When I had done all I knew to be a good daughter, and couldn’t make it, I shut the door on pain. Since she couldn’t communicate her own feelings, I never knew what she wanted from me or what it would take to please her.
         When I got married, I carried the same desires and expectations with me. Once again, I received the same treatment and results. “You’re not “pretty” enough for me.”  I had been conditioned to being treated this way, so it didn’t seem unusual for a long time. When I finally realized that I was in some kind of trap, I still did not know how to get out of it. I still didn’t know why it made me so nervous to even think about what I should wear.

FACE IN THE MIRROR

    

         I remember the day I was so convinced of my ugliness that I could not lift my head to even look in the mirror. It was a breaking point for me because when I did force myself to look up…it was like a 3-dimentional reflection; like a real person staring back at me. Scary! I looked for a long time. Then the Lord began to speak to me. “You’ve got to love her, Gwen.” It was hard, but I stayed there until I could accept that girl in the mirror.
         And my earthly father’s riddle came back to me. “I see you where you are…where you never will be…but there…in that very same place… you’ll be seen by me/Me.”
         The answer to the riddle is …a mirror. And many times I’ve known that although neither I, nor the world, would ever see me as perfect…my Heavenly Father already does.

A MORE RECENT MIRROR

         Through a course of events, the Lord drew me to a safe place with Him so I could learn to hear His voice of approval. He shut the world out where I could no longer hear their voices of condemnation and disapproval. His words were gentle, and kind, and understanding.
         For a season, as His words became so precious to me, I forgot about natural clothes. The beauty He was bestowing on me was so great I would forget to get dressed until much later in the day. Clothes became less and less important to me…until I began to realize I might have a problem here
         “What was happening to me? Was I really becoming a slob? Is this how slobs became slobs?” Maybe I had better listen to the Lord and let Him help me check it out.

NICE CLOTHES HUNG IN MY CLOSET

         I looked at what I had been learning recently. For once, “Someone”, our Father, was encouraging me to just be myself. The clothes I chose to wear around the house were comfortable, convenient…and only a way to keep warm or show respect for others should I be expecting company. Nice clothes, mostly bought for me by my children, hung in my closet. But they just didn’t look comfortable for the work God had called me to do…Fellowship with Him and “Send Forth His Word through Writing.” They became so unessential. “The things of earth were growing dim in the light of His Glory and Grace.” I just didn’t care about them anymore. Besides that, they didn’t fit the way they use to. Ha.
         I wasn’t resentful when my friends would encourage me to cut my hair or wear a style that was more up to date with the world’s system. Boy, was I getting FREE. It felt good. I decided if the Father liked my hair style and if He and I were in agreement, that was good enough for me. I didn’t yet know who I was, but I was fast learning “who I wasn’t.” I was no longer intimidated by other women who looked so “pretty”. I just appreciated their beauty. It blessed me to see people like my spiritual daughters looking so fresh and “pretty”. Or, my daughter-in-laws when they looked so “pretty”. God did this. God worked in them to make them pretty. I had nothing to do with it, but I get to enjoy their beauty. And I really do.
         The Lord showed me that I have my own special beauty. It is in the EYE of the BEHOLDER. It comes from the Creator of the Universe and the Creator of me.

         Now, as I look in the mirror, I hear my Father and Heavenly Husband say, “You are truly beautiful. You are just what I wanted. I would be proud to take you anywhere. Get your head up. Behold the Beauty I have created. I love and cherish you more than you can ever know.”
         And as the Holy Spirit begins to speak to me now as I look in the mirror. I don’t see the same person I was afraid to look at in the old mirror. I often repeat what He says. “Faith cometh by hearing”, as many of us have learned. 

NOW I AM FREE

         I no longer feel the need to dress to please my mother, my earthly husband, my acquaintances, even my family. Yes, I will dress out of respect for them, but not because I feel forced to anymore. It’s okay now, my Heavenly Husband loves me the same whether in my pajamas or the latest fashion. He sees me as totally beautiful in His EYES of LOVE.
         In the Spirit, I can see myself through my Father’s eyes. And TODAY that is all that matters to me: to walk in that true, substantial beauty that comes from the Father above. It may take a little practice, but don’t all good things?

STRONG SPIRIT OF TRUTH

         When we unite with our Lord, His Truth comes to abide in us. Jesus is the Spirit of Truth. Even as little children, we resist things in the natural that our spirits recognize as false representation of the Truth. We may be confused for a season by so many un-truths, but we will seek until we find Thee Truth.

THERE MUST BE A PURPOSE

         I think the Lord and I have had this discussion before. Ha. I think that in the past, dressing in fine clothes was just another form of torment. I never understood why. A type of stubborn rebellion in me said, “If you can’t see my heart…then don’t look at my clothes.
         “Looking “pretty” never got me Love. One can never be pretty enough to satisfy the eyes of natural man. I give up.”
         So again, “giving up” can be a good place to be, especially when we understand the limits of mortal man to meet our needs for love and approval. Forget it!

THERE IS A HIGHER PURPOSE
FOR
DRESSING NICE
(Looking Pretty, if you Please)

         The next time I get dressed to go out in public…whether at church or anywhere else…I will learn to dress in something that will add a little “sparkle” to someone else’s life, as others have done to mine…just by enjoying how pretty they look.
         I won’t dress like a pauper or ragamuffin, or someone who just walked out of the gymnasium with her sweat suit on.
         Maybe it will just be a little here and a little there. A different pair of earrings…shoes I never wear; still new in my closet. Always planning; never doing. Always admiring others, never understanding that God can use our appearance as an outer witness of an inner truth. A witness to the world of the glow that abides within, kind of like a parable for those who cannot yet see in the Spirit and do not know how to discern our hearts.
         “If You say so, Lord, it must be so. Not only for my good, but for the good of your Kingdom. Thank You for changing my heart. But, I want You to know…no matter what I look like on the outside, I accept Your approval first. I desire for the outside to match my inside of not just “pretty”, but a substantial Beauty that never fades. “It shines more and more unto the perfect day.” (Proverbs 4:18) when the Spirit and the Flesh can walk as one.
         “If it will help Your Kingdom, Lord, I want to do it. I just want to do it with a pure and honest motive. No one else needs to understand why I do it. But it will show…as others see the results of dressing for my Heavenly Husband…and being willing to let others see His Beauty shine through.

FIRST…LOVE…THEN GET DRESSED.
You now have a Purpose
You have a Mission
You have gifts to share…

It requires planning. It’s in planning with a purpose that we enjoy the journey. So let’s get those nice clothes out ahead of time. Have them ready for the next big event…whether at home or when we go to church. We are dressing with a purpose now…and who knows who will show up on our door step? 

                              

           It won’t hurt at all to be beautiful on the outside, as long as we have first learned how to be comfortable on the inside.